It's strange, isn't it? That with all this technology and ability to communicate, we can still feel lonely or distant from those we love. With families spread out over the world, you realize that in the end, where you are doesn't actually matter that much. It's who you're with.
I remember growing up in "ghetto" Jakarta, in a time when the Internet was just taking of, when international phone calls weren't cheap and Starbucks coffee was available only at the airportsw of neighboring countries. Yet my life was full and energetic and wondrous. My sisters - two individuals whom my heart now aches for, accompanied me to movies, ice skating and to the mall to take photo-box pictures together. What is it about our childhood that we reminisce about, what do we miss so much in our adulthood?
Sometimes I think that life was just simpler back then, but in my heart I know it wasn't. I think the difference is, as a child you react with your heart, you live from your heart (instead of your mind) and you're thus aware of your immediate surroundings. You're also more forgiving, loving, carefree and joyous as a child and haven't quite yet mastered the skill of judging yourself and others. As adults we tend to suppress these simplest of truths, believing that being more complex and sophisticated is actually a good thing. I hope that when I have children I'll be wise and sensible enough to not take life too seriously with them. I hope that we'll eat ice-cream that drips on our laps, spend days at the beach burying each other in the sand and nights together watching scary movies under thick blankets. (I'm almost certain I'll be more scared than the kids. I'm such a scaredy cat).
I also find that as adults, we allow unimportant things to cloud our lives and our judgements. Our priorities don't line up with what our supposed values are, we make unnecessary sacrifices and then lament the choices we make - mostly subconsciously. We learn not to express ourselves, to sweep our concerns and emotions under the rug, in hopes that they'll just disappear. I'm trying to just be aware of myself these days, hear myself, know myself...you can't imagine what I tell myself!
Anyway, I know I have not written in awhile and many of you were concerned. I have missed you too. But I believe that strong storms cause wild acorns like me to grow stronger, and I hope that taking to my writing again will force me to do a near impossible feat: enjoying the moment as it happens. So... here's me trying.
I am in Hong Kong, a city of constant sound and movement. I'm sitting in my garden, listening to the birds sing as they sway in the branches. They appeared in the spring and haven't left, they act as my constant companions. The air is thick with moisture, so much so I feel as if I just slathered myself with cream - but it's cut by a soft breeze coming from the hills. I smell sawdust and concrete, garlic and fresh laundry. The neighbors downstairs are playing music - the tinkling of an old piano loved over several generations.
I'm sticky and sweaty from the July heat, so I'll end here. Thanks for listening.
5:19 PM
Beautifully written. Seems like you're closer to understanding yourself and life.