27.
It's a good number really, 2 having this connatation of inclusion and wholeness and seven being, well, pretty damn lucky. As numbers go, I consider myself pretty "young" and only expect to wholly hit adulthood and maturity at the big 5-0. Yes. I believe that is when you become an adult. That's when you wear Chanel No. 5, frequent the spa as much as you like and spoil your neices and nephews (look out sis).
I feel as though we live in a society consumed by the idea of youth. We marvel and idolize young-ness, and the recklessness and wastage of life that comes with it. (Yes, I'm making up words like "wastage" but hey, I'm 27. As Grandma would say, I'm allowed). Even this year, I was taken aback by a subtle wave of social pressure, comments such as "hey old lady", "when are you getting married" and "ooh the clock is ticking." This is from the same people who complain about the pressure their families put on them. I've let it go. After all, I'm 27.
I'd like to think age as a positive progression, that as the numbers climb higher, you tune out the frequencies you don't enjoy. I think older women do this really well, and in so develop this mystery and awesomeness that I can't describe.
So I'll tell you a story.
I went shopping the other week for shoes, and tried on a pair of impossibly high platform heels. I turned to these two "older" ladies and asked for their opinion. They must have seen the uncertainty in my face, because they were all over me. These women were unfettered, unapologetic and had been around the block enough to know the Truth.
What's the Truth?
"Honey," one of them said, with a bemused look on her face "you look great. Wear them every chance you got, enjoy yourself... Because when you get to our age, you'll want to look back with a sparkle in your eye."
These women had brevity, sincerity, sexiness and awesome complexity in their characters that made me realize how wrong the MTV culture is. You realize that in your youth, you try to conjure up an image of who you are, instead of really exploring the depths of your personality. Meeting women like this also made me realize - you better be yourself, because in the end, they can read you like a book. And they do.
So in my 27th year, I decided instead of "getting serious" I would "get simple." I would try to learn my Truth. What I mean is, a promise to simplify my life down to its most core and important roots. It's scraping off the excess paint, it's concentrating on those core values, it's de-bunking, uncluttering and taking out the trash. Because in the end, if I'm going to wear No. 5... I'm going to need the attitude and self-assurance a 50-year-old Riani would have.
1:18 AM
Kudos, old lady.
Every time I look back and think "Would I do my early 20s again? Would I do my teen's again?" The answer is a resounding "Not a chance." We become more refined in who we are every day.
1:53 PM
Reminds me of this poem by Mary Oliver entitled "Self Portrait" thatI just heard on the "Writer's Almanac":
I wish I was twenty and in love with life
and still full of beans.
Onward, old legs!
There are the long, pale dunes; on the other side
the roses are blooming and finding their labor
no adversity to the spirit.
Upward, old legs! There are the roses, and there is the sea
shining like a song, like a body
I want to touch
though I'm not twenty
and won't be again but ah! seventy. And still
in love with life. And still
full of beans.
1:54 PM
Always pushing forward with elligance and integrity, you shine a light unseen in these parts since you left. I miss you dearly and hope that this year brings you joy. And by the way, Julien looks like a handsom man and from his interest in your birthday, seemingly shows a deep interest in you. I hope to meet him some day.
With love and care,
B